Tired

I'm very tired lately. I don't know why. I just want a break from it all and just enjoy life. I have just one this time around and I would like finally enjoy it for all it's glory. So what do I do? First, start caring more about me and less about not caring. I have to realize the truth that my body I have now will be the last body I have for a long time and if I want to look like how I am suppose to look I need to start now and not just wait and putting it off. I need to start now. Not in a few days times.

I have the strength and the capacity to do it. Why don't I? I don't know. I want it, I want it so bad but something keeps making it that I don't. What is holding me back? Why can't I just do what I'm capable of. Proving that my actions are as strong as my words. I have what I want at this point in my life. All I need is the health to go forward and the pride that I did this myself.

1st love

For all the lies you ever told me,
For all the tears you ever caused,
For all the nights left so lonely,
For all the days left waiting.

You were my first, and my long forgotten one.
You were the one who stole my heart, the one who in ever aspect was false.
You had the look, you had the hair, you had the attidude, the hands.
but...
you weren't him.

I thought it was you in my dreams,
I thought it was you who was holding me tight
with your arms that felt so right.
But it was all nothing but a lie.
I shouldn've waited, should've realized then that I was mistaken
you were only a mere reflection of resemblence of him.
And how do I know?
Because I have found him and I've never once compared him to you.