Tired

I'm very tired lately. I don't know why. I just want a break from it all and just enjoy life. I have just one this time around and I would like finally enjoy it for all it's glory. So what do I do? First, start caring more about me and less about not caring. I have to realize the truth that my body I have now will be the last body I have for a long time and if I want to look like how I am suppose to look I need to start now and not just wait and putting it off. I need to start now. Not in a few days times.

I have the strength and the capacity to do it. Why don't I? I don't know. I want it, I want it so bad but something keeps making it that I don't. What is holding me back? Why can't I just do what I'm capable of. Proving that my actions are as strong as my words. I have what I want at this point in my life. All I need is the health to go forward and the pride that I did this myself.

1st love

For all the lies you ever told me,
For all the tears you ever caused,
For all the nights left so lonely,
For all the days left waiting.

You were my first, and my long forgotten one.
You were the one who stole my heart, the one who in ever aspect was false.
You had the look, you had the hair, you had the attidude, the hands.
but...
you weren't him.

I thought it was you in my dreams,
I thought it was you who was holding me tight
with your arms that felt so right.
But it was all nothing but a lie.
I shouldn've waited, should've realized then that I was mistaken
you were only a mere reflection of resemblence of him.
And how do I know?
Because I have found him and I've never once compared him to you.

Sick =(

Well I had this entire week off and how did I spend it? Sick. First I had a sore throat and that has gone away almost completely though I still feel tired. Now, though, I have a stomach bug now. I can barely keep my ginger ale down and I don't mean it's coming back puking either.... ewww... so that is fun. I think it's a combination of what was left in my system from the Alli program I was on just prior to when I got sick. I guess it was still in my system I didn't know it but now it's reeking havoc on my digestive system and well making me go to the bathroom a lot! I guess in a way it's good but still I'm not liking the fact that I'm afraid to get out of bed. I just hope this goes away by Monday morning (that's when school starts again).


blah

I'm losing my friends and I don't know why

I'm losing my friends, and I don't know why.
They were here a second ago,
and now,
now, I don't know where they are.

I'm laying here alone in my room wondering where was it that I went wrong
When did I make the mistake that made them go away?
When did I decide to be alone? Captive in this room away from the world?

I don't remember choosing, I don't remember anything.
Where should I go from here? What should I do?
I wish I had my friends back to guide me, to bring back security.

People Suck

As I sit here watching one of my favorite movies, I find myself not being able to enjoy it as much as I normally do. Why? Well, for many reasons. One, in the midst of taking a nap, I get screamed at to wake up. For dinner, every thing is my favorite but I cannot eat a thing because I gave it up for lent, and yet they tell me to eat. I go away to get a way, I play on my computer, I turn off my computer and I get yelled at for doing it. I snap back because there is no reason to be snapped at and I feel as if I am forced to starve because though people did try, it is still lent and no one listens to me. So, in simple terms I'm cranky and I don't like being treated the way I was in the past few hours of my life. People just simply in no other better expression, suck.

My Photos from Amy's Visit and Then Some =)

The Most Extreme.....

.....outrageous flirt.... gotta love animal planet. =)

Hmm, what is there to report, other than I'm just plain old sick? Well, school is going well. ELA's for the time being are over, thank goodness, and the detention room isn't as full. I have been staying every day these past few weeks so that means I've made an extra 250, not bad for being able to sit and read really for an hour and twenty minutes. =) Gotta love the world of education, lol.


So, I haven't posted anything about the gym as I said I would, and well the reason for that is simple. I haven't gone. I know, I need to go. Between the weather and me getting sick, I can barely move once I'm home. But the weather is getting better and I'm feeling like my old self with just a stuffy noise, =P

There really isn't too much else to report, I'm really just waiting for my old meds to kick and knock me out. Any one else excited that tomorrow is Saturday?? I know not getting up at 6am will be a beautiful thing! =D



good-night


ps
the most extreme flirt goes out to the African Elephant =P