So what to do?

What to write?

Those are the questions at hand. Currently, I am sitting here pondering away at life's wonders and disppointments. I'd come to the understanding that some things can come true and others can't. And what I believe to be real might just be better off written in a fantasy book and placed on the shelf for little girls to read. So I guess my real question is, where does the truth start and the fantasy end?

I miss growing up with such simple ideas and realizations. Even for my age they were always a head of their time. My sensitive then too was far greater then it is now. And by sensitivity, I mean my connections to things particularly nature. I was far more closer to that world then I am now. Perhaps it has something to do with being old and an "adult". I guess we can't see the things we use to see. Maybe it has to do with so much death around here, both in the literally and figurative sense. It truly is an end of an era as the Mayans say it's just a few years a head of schedule for our family.

I don't know. I have a feeling though that one day when I'm truly old and gray, my daughter is going to come across these writings and go "oh my god, my mother was nuts!" or better yet, feel better that she's not alone in this world. Who knows, maybe it's her who will be writing and using these words as inspiration. If not her, my son will. I don't think either one of my children will be blessed with any of the downfalls Pete and I share. Thankfully. I know that they will of course come to terms with certain issues some relatived to the ones Pete and I have gone through but I do feel in the end it will be my experiences that help them move pass the innate fear and peer pressure, and make them stronger. .... That could always be just the Di Marco in me talking. Gotta love us strong willed, front runner Sicilians. =P

I do have a few stories to tell that a part of me doesn't want my children knowing but I do know one day when it's time for them to know, they will learn the pieces that matter most to them. That their mother was a surivor. No matter what life throws at them, they too will be just like me and survive.