Ever have the feeling that you were loosening yourself? That the fears you feared the most were on the brink of coming true and there was nothing that you can do to stop them?

That's how I felt this weekend. In one swooping moment, I lost it all. I lost my temper, I lost my love, I lost myself.

How did I get this far? I feel like every time I take two steps forward, I'm taking at least three steps back. If only I knew how to take more without loosing so many.

The answer: 1 step at a time.

Seriously. I'm always too busy trying to cut corners to get to my goal quicker but in the end, it's not about the steps you take that matter but the ones you didn't. It's those that come to bite you in the ass later.

Bull Crap

So I'm the one at fault. I'm the one who got Jodie heated in an agrument. I'm the one who should've known better. I'm the one who has to smarter next time. No one if in a heated discussion position at birds eye view can have preferial vision because they are too focused in a discussion.

Bull Crap.

One, I am not at fault. Two, he is not my child. Three, I don't care who started it, both of you's can shut up and walk away not just one of you's. Fourth, if I can have preferial vision in a heated argument even in a serve emotional state when the baby is around, then any one can and it's pure pull crap to sit here and point the finger at me.

Memories

My Best Birthday

I turned 23. You were expecting 5, right? Well, I'm sorry, but you'd be wrong. Mine was lucky old number 23. Why 23? Well, for starters I was finally over being 22 and old, and now I got to be 23 and older, whew I thought I was going to have deal with the rest of my life saying I was "22 and old". =P

The day though was perfect, it really didn't matter how old I was turning. It was a Friday, my birthday weekend; and the weekend started with a beautiful sky and warm shockingly for Geneseo. I wore a black cute tank top and white skirt. Yes, a WHITE Skirt. Emphasis on the white and most defintely the skirt. No one has ever known me to ever do that unless I felt really, really good, and looked really really hot. I even straighten my hair for the occasion. I look great and no one recognized me at first, which is always amazing. I love it when that happens. I had even my closet male friends saying I looked goood. lol.

So after my one class of the day, I headed over to Pete's to meet up with every body. I loved my brothers because when I got there, there were 'presents' glore and a little party going on in my celebration. During this time Meredith and I were close and she had come up for my birthday. She suprised me with flowers and it was great. That night we had an open in my honor =)

Saturday was very good, though I had to bring Meredith to the airport which I wished at the time should would've been able to stay longer. Stupid air plane ticket. Though it did give me and Becky some lovely quality time together. =) That evening I went to a benefit gathering that Pete was doing for class followed by good times at the Crow House. The only clitch was getting my period right as we got back to the house. Thank God Emily at the time was living with Pete so I was saved. The party was pretty good though I did what I was accustomed to doing that year; hang out with Pete, Vince and Emily, Jimmy and one random person (from Crows- non crows). I loved it when life comprised of that. Though that night we all got together outside in front of a lovely fire that Pete and Vince built. We watched a So, needless to say I slept over, I didn't feel like walking back to the dorm. I wanted to be lazy =P

Sunday, was the greatest! This was the ultimate reason why number 23 will go down in the history books. When I awoke I was greeted so nicely. I was made comfortable on my couch that I had slept on, and was given the remote. For the entire day I got to relax while I had my period with one of pete's pillows and my favorite blanket I stole from Aaron (unintentionally, a totally different story), watching whatever I wanted in Pete's room. It was great! And where was Pete, Vince, Jimmy, Emily, and a few of the other brother's? They were all in the living room watching what they wanted to watch while Pete brewed me some special tea he had been creating for months for my birthday. And here is the kicker, after it was ready to drink, it was served to me with a little honey, and every body came into Pete's room to hang out with me while we drank the tea and watched Neverland starring Johnny Depp. Now that is an awesome birthday! Who could beat being served on and encourage to just relax and watch your favorite birthday present with 5 guys and of course one girfriend (not mine, Pete's) all while drinking tea with them. =)

That was a great birhtday. I must say =)

My Snuggle Buddies


God, I miss them! They were simple awesome! Seriously. These were the people no matter when you saw them they were sweet and whenever you were down they let you lean on them, literally. I have to say I did have a lot of snuggle buddies but I swear if you lay or sit with them and snuggled, omg, it was simply lovely. I would feel ten times better no matter what it was. My snuggle buddies loved me and they let me snuggle on them whenever I wanted. =) I love my snuggle buddies. =)



~My Snuggle Buddies~

Bobby
Becky
Andrea
Chewy
Alyssa
Michelle
Rowena
Andy
Pete
Vince
Powers
Dave
Erica
Greg
Kristy
Tommy
Ryan
Gabby
Vivian
Laurie
Carrie
Sammy
Andy
Townsen
Tim
Timmy
Smiley
Holly
Mego
Wemson
Sarah
Banana
Wendy
K-Hoff
JIll
*Jesse
Brian*
Pat
Bj
Aaron
Mr. Peek
Jeff
Chris
Birthday Sharers
Evil Twin
Brendan
Booty
Monkey
Little
Julie
Beth
Kris Kris
Marty
Brendon
Chuck
Jones Boys


more to come.....maybe =





lol.





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It's the little things I notice.

Accidents Happen

Some people would say "they hate to say this" but the truth is accidents happen. That's what life is all about. If we were to know what was going to happen we'd call it literature. Though the two have been known to follow the other.
Anyway you slice it though, there is a lot going on that we don't know even in our most sacred and intimate lives, something will always go a skew. Why? What's the point? How come I have to be better the rest and know more? Is there really some reason to go through all that?
For me, my answer is yes. I think certain aspects of our lives happen in order for us to deal with what's to come as well as believe that in order to understand is a capability of growing and aspiring into something more grander then any possible design originally imagined. In terms of the literally sense of living each pain, suffering, and heartache is complete bullshit. I'd most definitely would prefer a much more peaceful life. Unfortunately though, without all that pain and suffering we wouldn't be human. The one difference that separates us from other mammals and creatures in general, is our capability to experience these things. No creature other than human needs to survive on it. All they need is food, shelter, and for some a communal environment. The actual experience(s) is uniquely to humans. Gotta love being us. =)



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Short Stories


Hmm....short story... short story. You know, I need some inspiration. I can't write a short story without some inspiration. Do you have some music playing? What are you thinking?
I'm thinking yes and maybe no. I'm not too sure. I'm just guessing here. But short story... short story. Would you like it about life, beauty or love? How about none of the above and take something a little more daring? I bet you would like that. Hmm...
I got it. There was once this bullfrog who loved to drink wine. He always had some very mighty fine wine. *smile* No? Heard that one before? I know. There is a song with that same story. I never said I wrote original.
Irony anybody?
So, how long should the story be? Short can mean many different things to different people. This here could be considered short. Longer better. How about the story itself? Should it be a traditional story with a beginning, climax, and ending, with a simple theme? Or, could I go any way I become inspired? Letting the words just flow straight through me, surprisingly making some what sense or better yet, hide it in a garble of words. Enigma! Genius! I got it! Ready?!
. . . . Lost it. So close. Hmm... short story....short story.

A heart of gold But it lost *its* pride Beautiful veins And bloodshot eyes I see your face In another light Why'd you have to go And let it die Why'd you have to go And let it die Why'd you have to go And let it die In too deep And out of time Why'd you have to go And let it die A simple man And his blushing bride (Why'd you have to go And let it die) Intravenous Intertwined (Why'd you have to go And let it die) Hearts gone cold Your hands were tied (Why'd you have to go And let it die) Why'd you have to go And let it die (Why'd you have to go And let it die) Why'd you have to go And let it die In too deep And out of time Why'd you have to go And let it die Do you ever think of me You're so considerate Did you ever think of me Oh so considerate In too deep And lost in time Why'd you have to go And let it die Beautiful veins And bloodshot eyes Why'd you have to go And let it die Hearts gone cold And hands are tied Why'd you have to go And let it die Why'd you have to go And let it die Do you ever think of me You're so considerate Did you ever think of me Oh so considerate In too deep And lost in time Why'd you have to go And let it die Beautiful veins And bloodshot eyes Why'd you have to go And let it die Hearts gone cold And hands are tied Why'd you have to go And let it die.....