Friday, January 25, 2008
The Most Extreme.....
.....outrageous flirt.... gotta love animal planet. =)
Hmm, what is there to report, other than I'm just plain old sick? Well, school is going well. ELA's for the time being are over, thank goodness, and the detention room isn't as full. I have been staying every day these past few weeks so that means I've made an extra 250, not bad for being able to sit and read really for an hour and twenty minutes. =) Gotta love the world of education, lol.
So, I haven't posted anything about the gym as I said I would, and well the reason for that is simple. I haven't gone. I know, I need to go. Between the weather and me getting sick, I can barely move once I'm home. But the weather is getting better and I'm feeling like my old self with just a stuffy noise, =P
There really isn't too much else to report, I'm really just waiting for my old meds to kick and knock me out. Any one else excited that tomorrow is Saturday?? I know not getting up at 6am will be a beautiful thing! =D
good-night
ps
the most extreme flirt goes out to the African Elephant =P
Hmm, what is there to report, other than I'm just plain old sick? Well, school is going well. ELA's for the time being are over, thank goodness, and the detention room isn't as full. I have been staying every day these past few weeks so that means I've made an extra 250, not bad for being able to sit and read really for an hour and twenty minutes. =) Gotta love the world of education, lol.
So, I haven't posted anything about the gym as I said I would, and well the reason for that is simple. I haven't gone. I know, I need to go. Between the weather and me getting sick, I can barely move once I'm home. But the weather is getting better and I'm feeling like my old self with just a stuffy noise, =P
There really isn't too much else to report, I'm really just waiting for my old meds to kick and knock me out. Any one else excited that tomorrow is Saturday?? I know not getting up at 6am will be a beautiful thing! =D
good-night
ps
the most extreme flirt goes out to the African Elephant =P
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
What to say...
Today has been a gloomy kind of day. I didn't do too much at work but I did feel out of it. When I came home I wanted to go to the gym since I haven't gone in few days and I wanna get back into the swing of things, especially after I told Pete's mom I was going too (she's using me to motivate herself, i guess), but the weather just made me feel crappy and thus I stood home. Now I'm sitting here feeling like crap and I just want to go to sleep and screw my night shower and take it in the morning. I can't do that though as I know I won't do it in the morning because I'll want to sleep.
Bah... what to do, what to do.
Maybe tomorrow I'll get to do what I want....ya.....
=)
Bah... what to do, what to do.
Maybe tomorrow I'll get to do what I want....ya.....
=)
Monday, January 21, 2008
Why Stay?
So this is my question. If you are taken out of a life to the point you are only welcomed as an outsider, why would you stay around? Wouldn't bother you in the least to know that what was will never be again? That no matter how much time passes you will forever be an outsider?
Perhaps it's because I've been on the other side of the looking glass to some extent that I cannot help but wonder what is wrong with today's society? Why would someone want to stay on the outskirts of existence in order to relish in something that is fleeting? Isn't that there a point where you just walk away and just hope for the best?
I really just don't understand, and I really hope the truth sets in soon and I no longer need to tip toe a long my own perimeter.
Perhaps it's because I've been on the other side of the looking glass to some extent that I cannot help but wonder what is wrong with today's society? Why would someone want to stay on the outskirts of existence in order to relish in something that is fleeting? Isn't that there a point where you just walk away and just hope for the best?
I really just don't understand, and I really hope the truth sets in soon and I no longer need to tip toe a long my own perimeter.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
What's there to say...
Today has been a rough day. The past few days has been but today was an explosion of frustrations and anxiety. Thanfully the storm has passed and what will be now is something closer and more meaninful then life has been before.
I hate fighting with people and in the past few days that's all that seems to be going on. I don't know how to stop it or how to get away from it. If I ignore it, then I get harassed about it or it just continues to bottle up until I'm about to explode, and I don't want to explode. I want to stop my chest pains and I want to go back to being me and having the life I use to have to an extent.
I dunno. It all feels like melodrama and each day I live in a soap opera. How does one escape that? =(
I hate fighting with people and in the past few days that's all that seems to be going on. I don't know how to stop it or how to get away from it. If I ignore it, then I get harassed about it or it just continues to bottle up until I'm about to explode, and I don't want to explode. I want to stop my chest pains and I want to go back to being me and having the life I use to have to an extent.
I dunno. It all feels like melodrama and each day I live in a soap opera. How does one escape that? =(
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Nonsense
Today has been filled with nonsense. First, I found out that they are still going to take out this month's payment for my student loan which blows. So that means I have no money at all for this weekend which sucks bc I wanted to see Cassie finally! And actually go out with my friend and have a few drinks and get to dance and just have fun. God I miss fun! I miss going out and not being annoyed practically every other second and being forced to feel like I'm five. I'm tired of being a bum! You know the only reason I kept out all that weight for so long was because I was active and I would go out dancing and I would leave the comforts of my home or any one's home for that matter and DO SOMETHING! Such BULL!
The second thing is that I had to have reality smack me in the face that for as long as I have this body I will have to deal with whom ever I'm with to constantly look in other directions. I can't believe this shit. I sometimes wish I was a complete hermit and no one knew me but my students and my co-workers and outside of work and I was me and did not have to worry about others looking in different directions and with my discovery of such nonsense making me feel like I have no self-worth at all. That I'm not attractive and that I cannot keep a man's interest longer then a second because I'm some easy chase because well look at me, I'm not hard to chase.
NO MORE! You want me? You have to work to have me and to keep me! I'm so tired of this. I'm twenty-four years old, I'd have two long ass relationships having the same ass complications and now I'm on my third one and it all seems ridiculously all the same, and I'm so tired of it.
The second thing is that I had to have reality smack me in the face that for as long as I have this body I will have to deal with whom ever I'm with to constantly look in other directions. I can't believe this shit. I sometimes wish I was a complete hermit and no one knew me but my students and my co-workers and outside of work and I was me and did not have to worry about others looking in different directions and with my discovery of such nonsense making me feel like I have no self-worth at all. That I'm not attractive and that I cannot keep a man's interest longer then a second because I'm some easy chase because well look at me, I'm not hard to chase.
NO MORE! You want me? You have to work to have me and to keep me! I'm so tired of this. I'm twenty-four years old, I'd have two long ass relationships having the same ass complications and now I'm on my third one and it all seems ridiculously all the same, and I'm so tired of it.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
The Gym
So I was reading my old blogs on here and I've discovered that I have had this membership since September. Here I thought I had it longer. Maybe it just felt longer bc I feel bad that I haven't been going twenty-four seven like I was suppose to be doing. I was doing good in the beginning but working two jobs there for a while was killing. Then all this random stuff started to happen and we all know how that goes. But starting this week I've been really good. I went yesterday as I said in my last blog for about twenty-five minutes. Five minutes of stretching, ten minutes of the elliptical machine and five on the bike concluding with stretching.
Today, I stretched for a couple of minutes before hand, warmed up on the bike or twenty minutes ( I brought my book so twenty minutes went by fast) then did the elliptical machine for another twenty and then stretched a bit after. After 4o minutes pretty much (not including cool downs) I did 5.2 miles of cardio. =) Not bad for a second day run. =)
I did cheat though day by having a Starbucks and some KFC, I wanted one last bite of the worst food for you that I haven't had in the longest time before I say "buh bye for now". lol.
As I had written before, I'm concerned that it'll be harder for me to loose the weight this time or even go further then before. So I decided what I'm going to do is document what I do at the gym here as a way to boast I guess you can say about what I have done. And I don't mean boasting as in "I'm better then you!" but more in the way, "this is what I've accomplished, go me". I always tell Pete what I've done afterwards and it feels great telling him because I know he is proud of me. I also have been doing some research on the diet pill Ally. Now, when I was younger I won't deny I began with diet pills and ended with doing what was healthy. According to my research though Ally is one of the best things out there in terms of diet help and control. My major problem is that I get hungry at night and that stems from having night classes all last spring plus the insomnia I was suffering from over the summer didn't help either. Thus the major weight gain. I even joined a gym at school during the spring but no avail because I never had time to go. As I said before school for me that wasn't home gave me no real motivation. Plus the gym was far and I didn't feel like going out in the cold... lol... gotta love Geneseo. =P
So tomorrow, my goal is this: 20 minute bike, 20 minute elliptical and a 10 minute cool down on the trend mill. I'm going to follow it up with some stretching and basic leg lifts to help with the old buttocks. When I work out every day I like to make one day full of cardio and one a mix of cardio and toning, so MWF will be the cardio and Tuesday/Thursday the mixture. I also plan on afterwards purchasing some Ally at Walmart as it's in the same shopping center as the gym. I've said this stuff a million times before but since I've been doing it on my own the best few days I feel that it's real thing this time. Maybe it's the fact I miss my size 11 ass or my big's wedding coming up in May or the fact I really wanna go to Spring Weekend at Geneseo and look amazing! Or just the fact I want Pete to jump me like he use to the first time we met except this time know why his body ached for me.. lol.
Maybe it's a mixture of all these things. All I know is that 2008 has already shown to be a very promising year =D
Today, I stretched for a couple of minutes before hand, warmed up on the bike or twenty minutes ( I brought my book so twenty minutes went by fast) then did the elliptical machine for another twenty and then stretched a bit after. After 4o minutes pretty much (not including cool downs) I did 5.2 miles of cardio. =) Not bad for a second day run. =)
I did cheat though day by having a Starbucks and some KFC, I wanted one last bite of the worst food for you that I haven't had in the longest time before I say "buh bye for now". lol.
As I had written before, I'm concerned that it'll be harder for me to loose the weight this time or even go further then before. So I decided what I'm going to do is document what I do at the gym here as a way to boast I guess you can say about what I have done. And I don't mean boasting as in "I'm better then you!" but more in the way, "this is what I've accomplished, go me". I always tell Pete what I've done afterwards and it feels great telling him because I know he is proud of me. I also have been doing some research on the diet pill Ally. Now, when I was younger I won't deny I began with diet pills and ended with doing what was healthy. According to my research though Ally is one of the best things out there in terms of diet help and control. My major problem is that I get hungry at night and that stems from having night classes all last spring plus the insomnia I was suffering from over the summer didn't help either. Thus the major weight gain. I even joined a gym at school during the spring but no avail because I never had time to go. As I said before school for me that wasn't home gave me no real motivation. Plus the gym was far and I didn't feel like going out in the cold... lol... gotta love Geneseo. =P
So tomorrow, my goal is this: 20 minute bike, 20 minute elliptical and a 10 minute cool down on the trend mill. I'm going to follow it up with some stretching and basic leg lifts to help with the old buttocks. When I work out every day I like to make one day full of cardio and one a mix of cardio and toning, so MWF will be the cardio and Tuesday/Thursday the mixture. I also plan on afterwards purchasing some Ally at Walmart as it's in the same shopping center as the gym. I've said this stuff a million times before but since I've been doing it on my own the best few days I feel that it's real thing this time. Maybe it's the fact I miss my size 11 ass or my big's wedding coming up in May or the fact I really wanna go to Spring Weekend at Geneseo and look amazing! Or just the fact I want Pete to jump me like he use to the first time we met except this time know why his body ached for me.. lol.
Maybe it's a mixture of all these things. All I know is that 2008 has already shown to be a very promising year =D
School Time Fun
Right now I'm within a classroom where I'm not really needed but it is nice to look in for a change instead of trying to figure something out. I give these teachers I'm looking in on some much credit. As a teacher, I can sympathize with them but I could never do what they do and have the patients to do so, at least not to do it every day. I'm glad that there are people like these teachers and aids in the school programs. There are amazing to say the least!
___________
So how is 2008 thus far?
Well, thus far I cannot believe the load I gained from 2007 - about 50lbs worth! My goal is to be back to normal by my quarter of a century birthday (or at least half way there). I started going to planet fitness again after school this time. So far so good. I started all over again so I'm working it up slowly with 20 minutes of cardio and 5 minutes of stretching. At my peak I was doing about 35 minutes of cardio and 15 minutes of weight training with 10 minutes of stretching. God I miss my high school years! lol. I found a set of my pants from then I couldn't believe how small I was. I found a pair from only a few months ago and I couldn't believe how small I was, lol. Well, as with every year I try to go back to my glory days but I think this time around I'll actually accomplish it. Being home gives me ten times more focus then being away ever did and now feeling more secure in my job and money situation, I don't mind spending the gas to get to the gym though I still wish that the school had the gym open. It took me 8 years ago to loose this weight in 8 months and I kept it off for close to 7 years. I'm thinking because I am older now and starting at a later time frame by April I should be at least a quarter of my goal and by summer (June) I should be about half. If I get really focus and do it every day like I did all those years ago it should work out to be that way.
So what's my goal? My goal is to get rid of the 50lbs gained first off and I'm hoping that I'll be able to get past my plateau of 145. I've seen the scale get to 140 but only for a few days and then it always went back up to 150 though my body still became thinner. Muscle weighs more then fat and all that jazz but I really want to stay at 140 or go below it for a change. I'd also like to be the skinny one in the relationship too, lol. I feel bad though for Peter if my wants become a reality, he'll have to keep boys from checking me out just as my 1st boyfriend use to during the glory years. It'll be nice though between us getting checked out again. It's a nice esteem booster when that happens. It's innocent and I never acknowledge it when I notice but it makes me feel good and it I like knowing that Peter has something that other people want. I know that sounds weird but it's true. According to psychology, this time of want/need is a form of self worth. Granted I have a bunch when I want to but physically I miss having it.
___________
What else?
Hmm.... nothing really. I was accepted in Long Island University and I'll be starting classes in May and I'll be majoring in Literacy Specialist. I've talked to a few people about it and some like their classes others are like "no way" but either way I think it'll help me in the long run. I also was able to defer my loans for a bit so until everything becomes official I'll be able to save $250 a month from my pay. In March I'll declare a student deferment so I don't have to worry about the interest rate going up. =)
After I finish up my literacy and complete two years of teaching I'll have my professional certification since this year counts towards my three years of employment. I'm definitely going to go for my administrator's degree too. That'll help with the additional time I need after I receive my professional certification plus it'll boost my salary from roughly 70,000 a year to about 120,000 a year in my district (when the time comes). For now though, having a certification in both English 7-12 and Literacy K-6 will give me enough in my goody bag for the time being.
Happy Days..... =)
Ok, well I hate to end this poorly but the bell is about to ring and I have to get some lunch. Yay to a two period break... gotta love school =)
___________
So how is 2008 thus far?
Well, thus far I cannot believe the load I gained from 2007 - about 50lbs worth! My goal is to be back to normal by my quarter of a century birthday (or at least half way there). I started going to planet fitness again after school this time. So far so good. I started all over again so I'm working it up slowly with 20 minutes of cardio and 5 minutes of stretching. At my peak I was doing about 35 minutes of cardio and 15 minutes of weight training with 10 minutes of stretching. God I miss my high school years! lol. I found a set of my pants from then I couldn't believe how small I was. I found a pair from only a few months ago and I couldn't believe how small I was, lol. Well, as with every year I try to go back to my glory days but I think this time around I'll actually accomplish it. Being home gives me ten times more focus then being away ever did and now feeling more secure in my job and money situation, I don't mind spending the gas to get to the gym though I still wish that the school had the gym open. It took me 8 years ago to loose this weight in 8 months and I kept it off for close to 7 years. I'm thinking because I am older now and starting at a later time frame by April I should be at least a quarter of my goal and by summer (June) I should be about half. If I get really focus and do it every day like I did all those years ago it should work out to be that way.
So what's my goal? My goal is to get rid of the 50lbs gained first off and I'm hoping that I'll be able to get past my plateau of 145. I've seen the scale get to 140 but only for a few days and then it always went back up to 150 though my body still became thinner. Muscle weighs more then fat and all that jazz but I really want to stay at 140 or go below it for a change. I'd also like to be the skinny one in the relationship too, lol. I feel bad though for Peter if my wants become a reality, he'll have to keep boys from checking me out just as my 1st boyfriend use to during the glory years. It'll be nice though between us getting checked out again. It's a nice esteem booster when that happens. It's innocent and I never acknowledge it when I notice but it makes me feel good and it I like knowing that Peter has something that other people want. I know that sounds weird but it's true. According to psychology, this time of want/need is a form of self worth. Granted I have a bunch when I want to but physically I miss having it.
___________
What else?
Hmm.... nothing really. I was accepted in Long Island University and I'll be starting classes in May and I'll be majoring in Literacy Specialist. I've talked to a few people about it and some like their classes others are like "no way" but either way I think it'll help me in the long run. I also was able to defer my loans for a bit so until everything becomes official I'll be able to save $250 a month from my pay. In March I'll declare a student deferment so I don't have to worry about the interest rate going up. =)
After I finish up my literacy and complete two years of teaching I'll have my professional certification since this year counts towards my three years of employment. I'm definitely going to go for my administrator's degree too. That'll help with the additional time I need after I receive my professional certification plus it'll boost my salary from roughly 70,000 a year to about 120,000 a year in my district (when the time comes). For now though, having a certification in both English 7-12 and Literacy K-6 will give me enough in my goody bag for the time being.
Happy Days..... =)
Ok, well I hate to end this poorly but the bell is about to ring and I have to get some lunch. Yay to a two period break... gotta love school =)
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
New Year
Last year in 2006, I was fortunate enough to be meet a man who completes me in every sense of the word. We have our ups and downs as most do but what makes this a special connection is that through it all we both can overlook it and the love we share for each other is still very much alive in our eyes.
I love this man so very much and even my whole family does. My only wish when it comes to him and my family is that he would had gotten the chance to meet those who are no longer with us. I have my dreams but I don't think I can take him with me to find out if they would love him as much as the baby does. The baby being my sister's son who is the spitting image of Di Marco's with all the joy and humor of the Sautte's. If I use the baby as a guide then I think my family has decided that it's him they choose.
When I was small, about 4 or 5 years old, I decided then I knew what I wanted in my life. I wanted a family like mine with relatives all over the place who randomly stop by and love that fills a true Italian home. And with thoughts how to make this so for my family to give them what I did have, I wanted to be exactly like me. And for that I knew I was going to be with a Sicilian man so that way my kids would literally be me - 1/2 sicilian, 1/4 napeledon, and 1/4 calaprese.
Thankfully Peiro is such a man and so his family. And the best thing of all, him and his family bring back the old ways of language to the table. Which I have always missed.
2006 brought so many promises, it brought us baby for the family, and another new addition to my life, Peiro.
2007 proved that I am more then what meets the eyes on various levels and our family is strengthening
2008 will be seen as a new year of hopes and dreams and all the joys that a new year promises...
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